Disheartening Friendship Change

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    • #308633 Reply

      I’ve a very good friend and sister in Christ – we’ve known each other for more than 10 years. I had been called by God to work in BC from ON in Christian ministry work, and had been coworker with her. At one point I was living under her roof (she’s a widow with a teenage son at that time) for around 4 years as I’d no relatives in BC. But 6 years ago, I had to move back to stay in ON because of ailing parents. This sister had been very consistently loving and caring, and had been keeping in touch with me, always praying with and for me, sending Scriptures etc. to encourage me, mailing gifts to perk me up, knowing that I was facing the most difficult trial (i.e. watching one loved ones having serious illnesses after the other and some passed away, and eventually I also had cancer – thank God now healed). I couldn’t be more grateful to her support during this most trying time in my life. Our friendship and sisterhood have not only edified me but also impacting those in our circle very positively during those years when I was living with her in BC. We had even initiated an intergenerational zoom prayer meeting specifically praying regularly for our next generation. So even after I moved back to ON, we were still keeping in close touch and I feel so supported. Last summer, this sister and another couple in the group even planned on coming to visit me and my ailing mother in ON, but cos of the pandemic, they cancelled their plan. However, things turned sour since last Sept, when I learned that this sister started a new friendship with a Christian brother (who was a pastor and now Christian counsellor, had just a few months ago lost his wife to 15 year long cancer). At first I felt happy for her, but not sure why I somehow sensed no peace in my spirit. So I prayed, n sensed I need to honestly shared my concern with her, as this brother had been married for over 25 years and is around 20 years older than her (55 now). Since having been her close friend and sister-in-Christ, I feel led by God to cautioned her against this man’s affection which may not be too stable at this point, as he may still be emotionally vulnerable (after his wife passed away for just a few months). She said she really likes him, and that she had been a widow already for over 25 years, to her this friendship is precious and seems like God’s timely will. However, this sister had once told me she had been struggling with same sex attraction. At one point, she even told me she had SSA feeling towards me (but I’ve no such feeling towards her but I’ve been just very touched and grateful for her loving personality and care for me). I had been praying for her and with her while living under her roof. And I witnessed that when I show Christ’s love to her i.e. accept her as she is and pointing her to Christ n prayed with her, she began to change. Recently, she said Jesus had healed her SSA inclination which I’m also thankful (as I felt burdened by her SSA feeling towards me). However, after I cautioned her about her friendship with this brother, she began to distance herself from me. And also, she turned around and said our friendship was unhealthy and she needs to draw boundaries with me. She said in the past, she was just trying to win me over because of her inordinate affection, and had been manipulative which is sinful!! Although I understand there may be many things in her mind now, I feel so hurt, betrayed and used. I couldn’t understand why she would connect her new friendship and our friendship? I’m not jealous that she has found new love, I’m only concerned that this is not good for her. But she turned around and abandoned our friendship – I feel so sad and disappointed and completely lose my trust in her. I feel almost angry that she called something so clearly filled with the presence of God’s Spirit unhealthy and wicked because I’ve never done anything unruly or impure with her – all our conversations and communications are about God or our faith, our family, her son, church and work (but she said it was not my fault, it’s all her fault – that on the surface our friendship might be fine, but she said she knows her own thoughts were very bad and impure!!) I was so confused and began to think back what have I done or said that had caused her impure thoughts. I felt guilt was thrust upon me for something I had not done! I prayed before God seeking His illuminations, but my emotion was so injured by her sudden change. Please asked God to heal my heart, and asked Him how I should continue to relate to her. I felt so sad that our very good n admirable friendship ending up like now! I’m a mature Christian worker myself and I could tell the difference between what is of God and what’s not. Before this brother enter the scenario last November, this sister had been quite fervent in leading the zoom prayer group, but recently her personality seemed to have changed, and always said she’s busy, and could only pray once a month (used to be weekly) with me and others. She admit that she has changed but praise God for changing for the better, and now entered a very busy and new stage in her life! When I chat with her, each time she would time our conversation (e.g. 20 min) and I feel she’s keeping me at armslength whereas before we just chat freely. She’s no longer her bubbling self, but seems to be preoccupied. I couldn’t help but feel that the enemy is using what had happened to distract her and distancing her not only from me but also from the others within our circle. But still, I told her I’ve committed to pray for her and her new friendship with this brother. Sometimes I just wanted to end this friendship by not communicating with her anymore, because I feel so hurt, and couldn’t stand her random coldness now. She even said she’s just my functional savior and that I should now turn to others in my Jerusalem (i.e. ON) for support. To me, she is no longer the considerate and kind personality. It’s almost like she is bewitched or something. I couldn’t understand, why this sudden drastic change in her.

    • #309230 Reply

      God of comfort,

      I pray for Yee and ask that you comfort and console her as she mourns and grieves the change in her friendship. Govern and guide her as she works through her emotions. May Yee find truth in your word and may she remember the battle is not against flesh and blood. May she put on the armour of God and may she seek you for how best to love her friend in this season. I pray for clarity, understanding and wisdom from above. May Yee hear you as you speak and direct her accordingly.
      Unless the Lord had been my help,
      My soul would soon have settled in silence.
      18 If I say, “My foot slips,”
      Your mercy, O Lord, will hold me up.
      19 In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
      Your comforts delight my soul.
      Psalm 94: 18 – 19

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