I continue to be flooded by conviction of my whole life ive been the abusor. God has moved in me 3 nights ago on a domestic violence website. I want to not be me anymore. I may have lost my wife my kids. Im 36 every person along my life i have caused destruction in some way. Im searching im doing all i can in the face of house for closer, debt to my eyes, looking for work, and all the while im packing not knowing whats to come. Our kids are shaken hurt spred out with their other moms and dads. It gets really dark and i fear God has left me. Relentless conviftion of play by play and all i can think of is my part what i should have said done.. Sometimes i dont feel worty and should end. My life so my wife can breath with ease. Been the worst year every time i turn dad dies lost job police at my home. Im so ashamed i hit my wife degraded her how could i say i want to not be me anylonger. Im having difficulty where i live finding help for the abusor that angle. I do what i can at mental health. Im crying out to God please please change me i cant but you can impossible isnt in your vocabulary….. Right? Im alone and my breaths are slow. My wife called me today and the damn broke in me with confessions and i would ask pray for her and the overwhelming movement in her. The pain is so much i barely see how i can ask but pray for me as i submit to the Almighty Father as His mercy seat is unbearable. Brandon A.