Hi! I’d like to ask for a prayer.

I am in the middle of a transition. Sort of. I am currently part of a christian nonprofit org and what we do in advancing God’s Kingdom is awesome! I love this ministry and organization! However, middle of last year and up until now I’ve been feeling dispassionate and even joyless. I still love the ministry and the family I have here but deep down I feel as though my roots have grown larger than the pot I am planted in. I feel like I’m on the brink of a career change. So I sought God through this time last year and He gave me the verse in Genesis where God called Abram “to a land which I will show you”. Okayyyy. With this I kind of already know that God wants me to ‘go’. But I was very hesitant because I don’t have all the details. During this time, I just feel like I wanted to grow more and experience more of God in my journey. But I don’t have any specific ‘New’ desires yet other than recalibrate and seek God. One day during my quiet time when I was telling God, “I’m scared. I’m confused. I don’t where to go. But as long as you’re there and that’s where you want me to be then I’m fine. Just lead me and help me not miss your leading because you know how I am and my tendencies.” Then He answered me through the verse in Exodus 33 where God told Moses that He will go with Moses to their journey to the promise land because he has found favor in God’s eyes. By this time, I am quite sure God is somehow ‘blessing’ my would be departure from the organization. But I am a sucker for clarity and confirmation!😢

because even though God already told me these things I still keep asking Him whether or not I am interpreting His Words correctly. If I understood it correctly because I don’t want to be wrong and step outside of His will. And so I still went about my days anxious and in constant state of analysis paralysis.

Then come Feb of 2020, we had a prayer time in our org and our VP laid his hand on me, prayed for me, and said the following: “In connection to the word ‘new’ God is telling you to do something you’re very hesitant to do. He wants you to step out in faith. Do you think that when you take that leap of faith, when you jump, do you think God cannot catch you? Do you think God cannot take you ‘there’?!”. Wow. But even after these words, you know I still was confused and anxious. I was still ‘paralysed’ And i think it’s because i was rooted in fear and not in God’s love and grace.

Then comes the corona virus pandemic and everyone was locked down in their homes. People lost their jobs. Economies are crashing. Job search became even more competitive.

And I’m still here. With the same org, still feeling the same dispassionate and joyless feeling and the feeling of wanting to breakout. (My performance was never sacrificed though. It’s just that I find myself no longer giving more than my 100%.)

But There are little new desires in me now though unlike before. Now, I feel like I wanted to work overseas but still in a humanitarian or nonprofit setting (I no longer see myself going back to corporate) and there’s a specific nation that I am quite fond of right now (it’s Thailand. I’m from a neighboring Southeast Asian country 😊).

Again, these are what I am just feeling right now. I’m not sure yet if these desires are from God or if these are mere spur of the moment desires that will eventually fade. (I’m so critical. I’m so sorry!)

But the stakes are definitely higher now should I finally make that jump. Do you think I’ve already missed my stop because I failed to “jump off” the train when there’s still “time”?

Do you think I‘m still rooted in fear? I think so too. And you know, I think I’m back in that cycle of asking God whether or not it’s His will for me to go.

(Oh, me of little faith 😢)

My knees are shaking.

Please help me pray.

Thank you!!!