Prophetic Word – Defeating Self Sabotage

This Prophetic Word is titled defeating self sabotage.

Who is this word for?  Self-Sabotagers.  If you are not even sure if you self sabotage yourself, let me say it like this…  Every time you are very close to a victory, something happens and then everything you worked for comes to nothing because of something you did or said, or did not do or say.  Or your life was going great and then you did this one thing that ruined everything.

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Definition of Self-Sabotage: “Self-sabotage” means intentionally or unconsciously engaging in behaviors that hinder your own progress, undermine your goals, and prevent you from achieving success, often stemming from deep-seated fears or low self-esteem, essentially working against yourself to prevent your own advancement; engaging in negative habits that disrupt your plans.

I believe this word is timely because we are about to step into our fruitful year.  I’ve found that there are some people that just enjoy drama.  Something crazy has to be happening in their life or they’ll make something crazy happen.

The self sabotaging cycle has to do with what is going on in your mind.  It is a self talk that we do that creates these destructive patterns where we blow up our own lives for no reason!  Negative self talk that involves other people.  Because even in the self sabotaging periods we believe we are 100% correct when we are in the cycle.  It is not until it all ends when we look back and realize we should’ve handle the whole thing a lot differently.

This is why the Lord tells us…

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things.

No matter how hard it is try to think the best, and even if in the end what you thought about the person or situation turns out to be true God is working all things out for your good!

Things we do or don’t do that leads to self sabotage

1. Lack of setting clear goals.  You’ll self sabotage when you don’t have a clear goal of what it is you want.  What are the results you are looking for?  Have you achieved them?  You can’t quit until you do what you set out to do.  You’re on a diet and you want to lose 80 pounds, there you are with that chocolate cake.  How many pounds did you lose?  35.  Now you need to limit it to one slice because while you’re down some you haven’t reached your goal.  As oppose to, you eating chocolate cake because you lost weight but you don’t even know how much you lost and you’re not aware of how far you need to go. You are less likely to quit when you know where you’re going.

You are ready to quit your Job but it’s December, bonus time!!  Plus, no one is hiring in December.

Coworker:  You won’t believe what your manager just said about you?  If I were you I would quit.

You:  Well, I would but it’s bonus time and no one is hiring now, so he can call me a horse if he wants and I will just neigh at him, stretch out my hoof and collect my check!

As opposed to you taking offense and quitting on the spot.  Cool off and think it through clearly before making any decisions.

Proverbs 21:5

The plans of the diligent lead to profit
    as surely as haste leads to poverty.

2  Not setting boundaries.  In all relationships you need boundaries.  Yes, I said ALL.  If you don’t give your kids boundaries, there will be problems.  If your spouse doesn’t understand the boundaries, there will be problems.  If your friends don’t understand the boundaries of your relationship with them as it relates to  your marriage, there will be problems.  Same with the family members.

You even need boundaries in a workplace setting as well.  They hire you, telling you that the job is Monday – Friday.  Suddenly you are working on Saturday and Sunday.  Now the first time they ask you to work the weekends what do you do?

You:  I’m happy to help you out this weekend but I go to church on Sundays and Saturday is my time with family.  If you urgently need me to help out I can swing Saturday every now and then but Sundays, I can’t really do that.  Can you find someone else to cover it?

Boss:  Good to know, thanks for helping this weekend.  I’ll ask the others in the office to help out to when these things come up again.

As oppose to you grumbling to yourself or coworkers because this is the 4th weekend they are asking you to work and you never even told them that you can’t do it.  When you don’t set boundaries with people, they will keep crossing it.  Sometimes it’s not on purpose, other times they know exactly what they are doing. Then you just need to show them the boundaries are there. All of us know a chronic boundaries violator, don’t we?

This is why electric fences were created.  So while they can’t see the boundaries to violate it, they sure do feel it if they do.

Some don’t respect the boundaries of others so you just have to tell them straight.

Matthew 5:37

Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ Anything more comes from the evil one.

The only Person we should never have boundaries with is Jesus.  He should have access to every and all parts of our lives.

3. Assuming that everyone is a mind reader.  There you are mad, and you quit your job because you got passed over for the promotion when you’ve been there for 10 years and they brought in someone else.

Did you tell them you were interested in being promoted?

Oh my goodness here I was waiting at my shot to date this girl and she goes off and marries someone else!  Well, did you tell her that you were interested?  Ah no, but, I’m sure she could tell.

You quit, or ruin a perfectly good opportunity all because you graduated Professor X Mind Reading University with honors, and they never attended that university.

via GIPHY

They very well may not be picking up what you are putting down so next time, use words.

Ecclesiastes 10:13

Fools base their thoughts on foolish assumptions, so their conclusions will be wicked madness;

4. You attached meaning to other people’s behaviors.   This one is hard.  We live in a very broken world and there are a lot of damaged broken people.  As such, when someone meets another person that is kind to them, they start thinking that the kindness means something else other than the person is just being kind.

I think she likes me, don’t you see how intently she listens when I’m talking to her?  Ummm, she listens intently to everyone who’s speaking to her, didn’t you notice that?  It doesn’t mean anything, it just means she listens well.

Do not assume things from people’s behaviors when they never said it.  Attaching meaning to someone’s actions when they never specifically said that.  We live in a society where you can connect with people from all around the world.  That means cultural differences can come into play.  Take the time to find out what someone’s actions actually means instead of attaching your own meaning.  You do this by simply asking them, to clarify.  This will stop you from building a storyline in your head that doesn’t even exist.

And now there you are blowing up a perfectly good relationship because you made up a story line in your head that doesn’t exist based on one action from the person.

The minute things start falling into a gray area where you start to question what’s happening, it’s time to set boundaries, get some clarity!  That way no one is mad about it because you’re on the same page.  Then you can decide if you want to leave or stay based on facts.

5. Overthinking and overanalyzing everything. The worse thing!  And, I know this one is hard but you just need to take things at face value sometimes.  Text messages are the worse.  You don’t have the tone or the context.  You never knew why they said it.  You were in a bad mood when you read it.  You misunderstood the tone.  And now your mind is running wild.  When this happens you are bound to do and say things that is just not right.  You over react, when you over think.  When you over analyze and end up making bad decisions based on your faulty analysis.

You end up ruining relationships, missing out on opportunities because you over think and over analyze situations.  You thought the worst but it wasn’t as bad as you assumed and then your actions confirmed what you were thinking.

Try not to read more into what people said, other than what they actually said.  STOP yourself from doing this.

6. Pride. You just want to be right.  So you blow up everything and walk away so you can be right, you don’t have to sit and listen to their explanations in case what they say shows that you’re wrong.  That’s all.  Just leave because you’re right.

Pride has ruined so many relationships.  The inability to say that you are sorry when you are wrong.  The last conversation you had with someone ended badly and then later you came to realize they were right about what they said, and you were wrong.  Instead of just calling them up and saying that you just realize that you were wrong, you sit there waiting for them to come around…so you can just pick up where you left off.  Ummm, no.  That’s pride.  Apologize for the mistake.  Otherwise, you will keep self sabotaging yourself in the future.

All you have to do is switch shoes with them, if it happened in the reverse what would you do?

If you were wrong or messed up, you need to fix it.  If you pick up the bad habit of not owning up to your mistakes, phew, you are going to mess up so many opportunities in life.

Proverbs 29:23

One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.

7. Fear of rejection.  Well, before you leave me…I’m going to leave you.  Or you quit before they fire you.  The truth is you don’t know if they were going to fire you.  You could be reading everything wrong.

Christ Himself was rejected.  And, all of us have been rejected at some point or another.  You can’t run away every time you think you are about to be rejected otherwise you will never find out what is one the other side of that.

Some of the greatest things in life came through RISK.  You may fail but if you never take a risk you will never know.

What you should do before you make any snap decision and fall into the usual pattern is bring this to God in prayer.

Prayer:  Lord, I have a feeling this is going to end badly and my feelings are about to be hurt.  I feel like I am ready to run away from it but I don’t know if this is the right thing to do.  Please protect my heart and my mind and give me clarity on what I should do in this situation, in Jesus Name, Amen.

You do nothing except what He says.  He may just have you walk through it to show you that you can survive being rejected.  Being rejected has never killed anyone and He may be training you in how to guard your heart.

8. Things are just too great right now and you’re bored so you decide the blow things up!  Yeah, I’ve seen people literally do this to their life.  They don’t know what it is like to have a quiet peaceful life so they create chaos and drama.  Ruin their lives all because they are…bored. Their life was starting to stabilize and since they spent their entire childhood fighting it is a strange feeling so they on purpose start something.  It’s a high conflict personality type they get paranoid and create conflict based on nothing, they stir the pot and get everyone else around them worked up, then they play the victim when people point it out.  There’s never any peace around someone like this.  This type of person is not the one that quits, no they need someone to be contentious with, someone to go back and forth with the arguments.  They will never quit you, you have to be the one to quit them. So the behavior causes others to leave them.  If you are a peaceful type of person there is no way you are going to want this kind of negativity around you.  So people abandon them.

A person whose life looks like this...”But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23) will not be hanging out with a person whose life looks like this “sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.” (Galatians 5:19-20)

What fellowship does light have with darkness.  It won’t work in marriages, friendships, in ministry, on the job, when running your own business.  It doesn’t work.

9. Misunderstanding why you are there or why that person is in your life.  Every person that is in your life is there for a reason. You’re not reading this just because.  No, you’re here because you were led here so that you get something out of this ministry.  You must always know why you know the people that you know.  Why are they in your life?  What are you supposed to be learning from them.  It is equally as important to know when your season ended there and it is time to move on.  Not because they are bad people but because they fulfilled the purpose for which God put them in your life.

What you don’t want to do is destroy the relationship before you even accomplish the purpose for which you met that person in the first place.  Same with your job.  You’re not there just to collect a check, there’s a reason why you work for that company.  Ask the Lord what it is so that you can complete the mission.  If you quit before, then you have to learn the same thing all over again someplace else.

Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron,
    so one person sharpens another.

10.  Anger.  When you are angry and make decisions or speak at that moment, you can do and say the wrong thing.

James 1:19-20

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

When you are angry you do what this verse says, STOP talking.  If you need to take a timeout, do so.  Once you calm down this could be hours or days later depending on the situation, then you can address it.

Now imagine this person living with the person in point #8?  Phew!  This is the contentious household where there is no peace.

Remember Moses didn’t see the promised land because of this.  He was so close.

11. Impatience.  Oh boy! You waited and waited and waited and waited.  And then got sick of it so you took matters into your own hands and did something crazy.  You know who did this?  Saul, and it cost him his crown.

1 Samuel 28:5-7

When Saul saw the Philistine army, he was afraid; terror filled his heart.  He inquired of the Lord, but the Lord did not answer him by dreams or Urim or prophets.  Saul then said to his attendants, “Find me a woman who is a medium, so I may go and inquire of her.”

You know, this is how many people get involved in witchcraft, God wasn’t handling it the way they thought He should and they got impatient so they go find someone who can give them results now.  And, believe me when I tell you that this will cost you big.  Saul tried everything to get an answer and never got one so he got involved in witchcraft.

Exodus 32:1

When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.”

There is a direct connection between impatience and witchcraft.  You need to wait for God, otherwise you will be self sabotaging yourself by turning to any form of witchcraft to bring you quick results.  God is not going to share His glory with any false gods so you end up forfeiting your own blessings.  Someone did you wrong?  Wait for the Lord to deal with them and do not go seeking out someone to send witchcraft to them.  Otherwise, you allowed their wrong doing to lead you to self sabotage your own future.

If you have done this, just repent and stay away from that. Ask the Lord to vindicate you and wait.

12. Procrastination.  You know you have a deadline and you leave everything for the last minute.  Guess what?  Things can go wrong and you miss the opportunity.  You can’t blame Covid lockdowns for something God told you to do months before Covid came. Then you hide behind the goodly “it must not be God’s will“. Naw, stop blaming God and other people for your lallygagging.  The next one that is similar to this is…

13. Perfectionism. You want everything to be perfect and while that can be good, in some instances, this is detrimental.  Let me explain, if the devil is on to your plan and he knows you are a perfectionist, he is going to use that same perfectionism to cause you to delay everything because it’s just not perfect.  And before you know it, it has been years and you still haven’t launched that product.  Because, it’s just not perfect.  The devil will trap you in your own perfectionism until someone else comes along and launches a similar product and that’s when you realize you missed the window of opportunity!

Ecclesiastes 11:4

Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest.

14. Blaming others for who you are today. Well, I’m like this because of my mother, my father …sigh.  How old are you?  I’m sorry you went through what you did in your childhood but do you understand that about 97% of the world population also went through bad things during their childhood?  Yes, it may not be the same thing as you went through but if you talk to people you’ll realize that they went through bad stuff too.  I’ll take this further and say that your mother and your father probably went through it too which is why they did that to you. They’re just not telling you but how do they know to do that to you unless they experienced the same thing themselves.

Now, once you become an adult you can’t blame your behavior on your parents anymore.  There’s not a section in heaven for people who didn’t fulfill the calling of God on their life because of their parents.  You don’t get a pass.  It means that at 18 years old, you get to dream another dream, write another story, move forward inspite of the horrible things that were done to you.  You don’t get to blame, you get to start fresh once you move out.  You can reinvent and recreate yourself.

Isaiah 61:3

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

This is given to everyone!  That means you.  Stop blaming other people for who you have become accept responsibility for your own actions and….change.  Well, my ex husband did this, my ex wife did this… same thing, I’m sorry it happened to you but if you keep allowing that to turn you into something that God did not intend that means the devil won!  Are you about to let the devil win in your life?  Naw.  No more excuses, today you accept responsibility for who you are and you start to research and investigate how to change so that you can stop ruining everything good that God is sending into your life.  How else will He be glorified if you don’t change?  You get beauty for ashes, that means you have to make a decision to give up the ashes.  It’s an exchange. You get joy instead of mourning, release the mourning.  You get praise instead of heaviness, you can get up out of the pit, when you do this you turn into an oak of righteousness.  A strong and powerful tree that people can look at and say. “my goodness after all you went through I am surprised to see how your life turned out…my Lord, I thought that woman was going to be the end of you but look at your wife now?…how come you became such a great mother after what your mother did to you?”

Brothers and sister, if you don’t change God doesn’t get His glory.  You can change, in spite of it.  Just make a decision, decide that today you are going to be someone else, not the product of your bad experiences and the traumas of your past.

How do you stop self sabotaging?  

Some of you may have picked this up from childhood.  You saw it modeled by your parents and you followed suit.  This may be a generational curse issue that needs to be broken.

Outside of that, you need to take your situation – you know the one that is bothering you – and go through the points and see if you are making mistakes there and fix them.  Once you do this you will stop yourself from self sabotaging habits because you’ll be able to identify where you are messing up.  When you are aware of something, you are less likely to do it.

At some point in life you have to leave relationships, companies, jobs, ministries or churches, this is just a part of life.  So once you have clearly determined that it is in fact time to move on then you do so.  This would come after prayer and confirmation from the Lord that it is time to leave.

When you leave, leave well.  If you leave badly, you can’t go back there.  Because, add this as #15, some people self sabotage just by how they left a situation. <<<<that.  Failing to recognize they were going to need the recommendation, or the referral or that later in life they would meet the person again and that person would be connected to their next big move.

All of these are coming from your soul. You may be wondering how you can fix all of this, I would suggest signing up for the free discipleship school. This will help you sort it out. Here is the Youtube channel, subscribe and search for the videos on the soul. This is how you fix this. It takes time but all the instructions are there.

Every single one of us, have one, some, if not all of these. But we can fix it with the Lord’s help.  You just need to know how and be willing to do what is required to be free from these self sabotaging habits and behaviors.  We know that if we are willing and obedient we will eat the good of the land because this is what the Bible says.

We are in a season fruitfulness!  Let’s get our harvest!

Blessings!